It was the same dream—the same memory—that she’d always had.

It began as it always did: the car, flipped upside down with windows cracked and shattered, pieces of what used to be the windshield scattered amongst the overgrown grass of the hillside, leaving behind a messy trail of broken headlights and bits of twisted metal carved from the sides of the car by the jagged rocks they’d hit on the way down from the rain-soaked road above.

Her family hung suspended by their seatbelts around her like some sort of morbid marionette display; whether they were dead or merely unconscious, she could not tell, unable to hear anything over the sound of her own panicked breathing. A damp sniffle occasionally escaped her as she struggled not to sob outright, warm, wet tears streaming silently down her face and dampening the roots of her dark hair, which had been woven that morning into two neat braids.

She dared not call the names of her silent family members, dared not even whisper, afraid—terrified—of the answers that she might not receive. In the seat in front of her, her elder sister’s shiny chestnut curls brushed the ceiling of the car alongside pastel blue-painted fingertips, pale and unmoving. Their brother’s lanky frame was nowhere to be seen, and the fleeting memory of him unbuckling his seatbelt to reach for his dropped video game console had the small girl whimpering as she turned her gaze outside the window to search for him, unable to see anything through the thick veil of darkness that surrounded the overturned car. The headlights had long since ceased their half-hearted attempts to flicker back to life, and the switch to the car’s interior lights was far beyond her reach.

Her parents were barely visible in the front seat, shrouded by the white airbags that had burst forth to shield them from the impact. Her dad looked as though he might simply be sleeping, his round glasses clinging crookedly to his long, weathered face, a jagged crack splitting the right lens. It was strange to see him so still, his features completely void of expression. She kept waiting for his scarred, crooked nose to twitch, for his graying eyebrows to push together as he dreamt, for any part of him to show some sign that he was indeed just resting, that he was still somehow, miraculously, alive.

She waited in vain.

Her mother…the girl could see little from her current position. Through the darkness, she could faintly make out the blood that stained her mother’s golden-brown skin, crimson dripping down her mother’s temple and onto the beige carpet of the ceiling, turning it a wet, ugly brown.

In the silence, the girl felt, perhaps for the first time in her young life, completely and utterly alone. She reached for her stuffed rabbit, chubby fingers straining to brush against the rough, tattered fur, nearly grasping it, almost—

Her heart stopped as she caught a glimpse of a reflection in the windows, breath catching in her throat as she saw the faint, dark outline of a person appear beside the front passenger seat. The figure crouched in the wet grass, barely visible in the dim light of the crescent moon, and a hand reached out, knuckles brushing gently against her mother’s cheek, coming away smeared with blood.

The girl couldn’t help the sharp gasp that escaped her lips as she watched the figure caress her mother’s skin, and the fingers froze. A pair of dark eyes snapped toward her and, while she couldn’t quite make out the rest of the mystery person’s features, those eyes were forever seared into her memory, staring at her in something like bewilderment, brows furrowed in a silent question. What it was, she had never been able to figure out.

She heard someone call her name, and her own brows pushed together, an anxious sort of discomfort filling her chest. This wasn’t supposed to happen—help hadn’t come for hours, the wrecked car barely visible from the rarely-traveled back road above them. Faintly, she heard the call again, and twisting around in her locked seatbelt, she turned to look.

“KAI!” Blearily, she cracked her eyes open, uttering an unintelligible sound of confusion as she blinked hard several times in an attempt to clear her blurred vision. “Finally! I was beginning to think you’d slipped into a coma or something, jeez.” With a wince, Kai swung her legs over the arm of the small sofa, sneaker-clad feet hitting the white tiled floor just a tad too hard for comfort. She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, feeling weary.

“Sorry,” she apologized in a voice thick and raspy with sleep. “I literally closed my eyes for like, half a second, and I must’ve just dozed…” she trailed off, her eyes widening. “Shit, how long have I been gone?”

“Ah, you’re only like, a couple minutes late, don’t worry about it.” The blonde girl who had seated herself across from Kai waved her hand carelessly as she slouched deeper into her seat, kicking her feet up onto the small, wooden coffee table.

A slew of curses dropped from Kai’s lips as she flew to her feet, yanking her tangled brunette waves into a ponytail and retying her white apron, the red, embroidered script on the chest reading TANNER’S GROCERY.

“Kai, calm down,” said the blonde, whose name tag read AVERY in bold, purple letters. “You know my gramps adores you, and he completely understands if you’re having a rough day. Hell, we all do.” Her voice was soothing, but did little to calm the frantic brunette.

“Key word being a rough day, Aves,” Kai countered, not unkindly, as she shoved her wired earbuds into her bag, tossing it carelessly back onto the hook by the door. “But I’ve fallen asleep on my break half a dozen times this month alone—I wouldn’t blame him if he fired me.” Avery sighed, shaking her head as she rose to her feet and put her hands on Kai’s shoulders, forcing her to pause.

“Kai, you look like shit,” she said bluntly, hazel eyes gazing unapologetically up into Kai’s exhausted brown ones. “And I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“Gee, thanks,” Kai interrupted wryly, lifting a brow at Avery’s rarely displayed profanity. Avery’s eyes narrowed.

“We’re concerned, Kai. When’s the last time you even slept?”

“I was sleeping just now!” Kai’s voice pitched upward defensively, but Avery was unrelenting.

“Look, why don’t you just go home early today? I’m positive Gramps will be fine with it—I’ll be here to hold down the fort, and it’s a slow day anyway, so just take the rest of the afternoon and get some actual sleep. Like, in a bed. For more than half an hour. Please?”

Despite the whiny tone and the puppy-dog eyes that the blonde was currently using to sway her, Kai had been friends with Avery long enough to realize that this wasn’t a request, so, reluctantly, she nodded. As much as she hated to leave without finishing the rest of her shift, and as heavily as she doubted she would actually be able to get anything resembling actual sleep, she had to admit that she’d been having difficulty keeping her eyes open all day, her body heavy and sluggish with exhaustion.

“Thank you,” she said gratefully, cheeks heating in embarrassment as she took off her apron and retrieved her mossy green bag from the hook, slipping the long, worn strap over her shoulder. Avery threw her arms around Kai, embracing her tightly.

“You know I love you, K.” If Kai had had any tears left to cry, her eyes might have grown damp at the unfiltered affection in her friend’s voice. As it was, she smiled awkwardly as they parted, managing a quick, jerky nod in return.

“Back atcha, Aves.” Avery rolled her eyes, a fond smile curving her rosy-pink lips upward, cheeks dimpling. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It was warm out, but not unbearably so; while there wasn’t a cloud to be seen, a light breeze was pleasantly countering the heat of the afternoon sun, and Kai paused for a moment to tilt her head back, basking in the warmth.

Not feeling up to faking smiles and forcing small talk with the acquaintances she would inevitably run into on the way home, she decided to take the scenic route, turning down the unnamed dirt road that would eventually take her to the rear of her apartment complex.

It was a pleasant walk, and though she still felt utterly exhausted, the fresh air did seem to be lifting her rather gloomy spirits. She had always loved autumn, harboring fond memories of jumping into mountains of red leaves and playing hide-and-seek in pumpkin patches with her siblings, and this was the peak of the season. The leaves scattered on the ground and clinging to the trees around her were painted every shade of red and yellow and orange, the colors making her feel warm inside, comforted. It made her crave a hot cup of tea, though it meant that she would have to wash one of the innumerable mugs currently cluttering her sink.

She hadn’t walked this path in what felt like years, but just as she remembered, the road led her to a large, open field, bordered thickly on either side by a forest of tall trees. She had spent her childhood in those woods, camping with her dad and building forts with her siblings and their shared friends; somewhere amongst those trees, the little playhouse they’d scraped together with scraps of metal and bark might still stand, albeit rather run down.

And there, just as she remembered them, were the tracks.

Out of the woods to the left of the clearing, the train tracks ran across the entirety of the field before disappearing back into the woods on the right side. If she remembered correctly, the train would be coming along any minute now; she could wait a bit longer to go home and inevitably end up tossing and turning restlessly, Kai decided, letting her bag slip from her shoulder and fall to the ground, pulling the tie from her hair to let it tumble messily around her shoulders. Excitement began to bubble in her stomach as she remembered the rush, the adrenaline high of watching the train pass by so very closely, taking with it, even momentarily, every ounce of her misery.

And there it was, right on schedule.

Kai’s ears filled with the familiar chugging and rattling of the wheels against the tracks, the roar of the engine growing louder with each passing second as the train neared, nostalgia pooling in her chest and tugging her ever-closer.

As if in a trance, Kai edged forward, not noticing when the toes of her worn, stained white sneakers brushed lightly against the tracks. Unconsciously, she began to lean forward, the anticipation making the dark hairs on her bare arms stand on end as she waited eagerly for the iron monster to race by. So focused, so eager to feel the impending adrenaline, Kai failed to realize that if she did not step back in the next three seconds, her life would be over.

Three. She didn’t notice. She didn’t move. The only thing that she could think about was how good it would feel to not feel, even for a couple of seconds. To let it all go, to just be—to merely exist for several blissful moments without fear or worry or exhaustion or grief.

Two. The train was nearly here now—she could practically taste the smoke rising in thick puffs from the engine, and her fingers curled, nails digging harshly into her palms. Her teeth sank into her lower lip, heart swelling with impatience.

One. It happened quickly—so quickly that later, she would have trouble wrapping her mind around it, replaying the moment over and over in her head as she struggled in vain to fall asleep, trying to make some sort of sense of it all.

The train was finally upon her when a set of long, slender fingers wrapped firmly around her bare upper arm and yanked her roughly away from the tracks, spinning her into a broad, solid chest. A strong arm curled just as tightly around her shoulders and held her firmly in place as the train rushed by. The train’s horn, urgent and panicked and painfully loud, rang in Kai’s ears as harshly as the wind whipping sharply through her hair, some of the strands finding their way into her eyes and mouth, her current position rendering her unable to brush them impatiently out of the way.

Even with her back to the train, the feeling that came over her was positively euphoric, rushing through her veins like wildfire and making her feel, for once, alive. It was even better than she remembered it; a wide smile spread across her face, pressing into the mystery person’s chest, as the blood rushing through her veins sang in familiarity. She was trembling head to toe from the high, and if it weren’t for the pair of arms holding her up, she was sure her knees would have buckled.

Before she had a chance to recover from the experience, to take a breath and fully appreciate everything that she was currently feeling, she was shoved abruptly away from the wall supporting her, the hands that had shifted upward to hold her shoulders in an almost painful grip shaking her roughly in agitation.

“Are you out of your mind?” A masculine voice demanded harshly, and, startled, as if only just remembering that she was not alone, Kai looked up, finally meeting the eyes of the stranger who had held her, and any breath that remained in her lungs abandoned her completely.

Towering above her was a boy—a young man, really, as he looked to be around her age—with a face that had surely been carved by angels. His honey-toned skin was flushed, thick eyebrows drawn low over narrowed, monolid eyes, so brown that they almost appeared black. Kai fought the urge to shrink back, intimidated by the force and intensity of his angered gaze. His lips, plump and slightly chapped with a prominent cupid’s bow, parted again as he continued to shout at her over the dull roar of the retreating train.

Kai could scarcely pay attention to anything he was saying, mesmerized by the way that his hair—dark and wavy and pulled back into a half-ponytail, the ends just kissing the nape of his neck—seemed to gleam in the afternoon sunlight, looking soft as silk to touch. Wispy bangs framed his diamond-shaped face, and small ears decorated with silver hoops peeked out amongst the waves of black.

He was all sharp angles and high cheekbones, and dressed in all black as he was, he exuded mystery. Kai couldn’t tell if the tingling sensation that washed over her was leftover adrenaline or anticipation of what this completely unexpected encounter might bring. She would think later how odd it was that she had not felt frightened—only a thrill of excitement and curiosity, and a need to know more about this stranger.

He shook her once more, brows rising in expectation and impatience. “Well? Are you going to answer me, or just stand there looking stupid? Which,” he scoffed, “you must be—either that, or utterly suicidal.” The spell broken, Kai bristled at his bluntness, yanking her arms sharply out of his iron grasp and stumbling back a step with the effort. She winced as the blood rushed back into her limbs, the imprints from the silver rings adorning his fingers white against her pale brown skin.

“Excuse me?” Even after putting some distance between them, she still had to tilt her head back to properly meet his eyes. He sighed deeply in exasperation, leaning forward and enunciating his words carefully.

“Are you stupid,” he repeated himself, excruciatingly slow, making Kai’s skin crawl with annoyance. “Or do you have a death wish?” Kai huffed, shoving her hands roughly against his chest in an attempt to gain some additional distance, fingertips brushing against cool skin where his shirt dipped into a deep v. He was like stone, unmoving, and profoundly unimpressed by her attempt, though he did her the courtesy of pulling away, his silhouette mercifully blocking out the glare of the sun. It gave him a celestial glow, a halo of gold circling his head, though, his words still ringing harshly in her ears, Kai did not let this distract her.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” she said defensively as she glanced up at him, feeling rather chastened. He snorted, a short, sarcastic huff of air through his nostrils that made Kai’s spine stiffen, her eyes narrowing.

“You could have fooled me.”

“Okay, so yeah, the thought may have been there,” she admitted, continuing quickly as he lifted a skeptical brow. “But like, in the back of my head, like how you think that if you moved the knife over just a couple of centimeters while you’re cutting vegetables that you might cut your pinky off—the thought is there, but I wouldn’t actually do it.” He said nothing, clearly not believing her. “Come on, you’ve never stood on the edge about to do something dangerous and wondered, just for a second, so fast that it barely even counts, what would happen if you took just one step forward?”

“No,” he responded dryly, though something like recognition seemed to flash briefly in his eyes during the half-beat it took him to reply. “I can’t say that I have.”

“Yeah, well, then you’re a weirdo. And a creep—what, were you just lying in wait for some poor, unsuspecting girl to come along and fall in front of a train so that you could play the hero and rescue her?” He looked away, his jaw clenching, and a tense silence followed. It was quiet in the clearing now, the birds not yet returned to their chatter.

After a moment, he turned back to her, looking idly curious.

“So if you aren’t suicidal, and you aren’t stupid—a claim that I notice you never denied” Kai’s fists curled of their own accord “—then what were you doing?” Kai blinked in surprise, her lips parting softly, though for several seconds, no sound came out.

“I just…” she sighed, unable to find the right words to describe the confusing whirlwind of emotions knotting inside the crevices of her chest. She gestured vaguely before dropping her hands to her sides, at a loss. “Wanted to feel alive, I guess. Wanted to feel something.” Her cheeks heated in embarrassment, but a sort of understanding lit somewhere within those deep, dark eyes of his, and the judgmental expression on his face softened ever so slightly.

“There are safer ways of doing that, you know—bungee jumping and…skydiving,” he finished lamely, the last word sounding unfamiliar on his tongue, and the smallest of smiles lifted the corners of Kai’s mouth upward.

“Scared of heights,” she said, and then, a note of bitterness in her tone, “Besides, do you see anything like that around here?” He was silent, and Kai shrugged. “That’s what I thought. So…train.” She gestured toward the tracks, and he snorted again.

“Whatever you say, sunshine.” Kai rolled her eyes, allowing the smile to grow just a little, though she told herself it was against her will.

“Who are you, anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around. Although,” she added as an afterthought, “I’m not exactly the most observant, so I guess I could’ve just missed you.” But she found it hard to imagine missing someone like him.

The stranger stiffened at her inquiry, his expression shuttering and his eyes going cold, and he smiled tensely, taking a couple of steps backward, hands shoved into the pockets of his ripped jeans.

“This has been fun and everything, but it’s time for me to take my leave. Don’t jump in front of any more trains, sunshine,” he said with a wink, and before Kai could come up with a response, he disappeared.

Dissolved.

Vanished.

Dissipated.

All of the above.

Kai turned several times in a slow circle in an attempt to see where he could have gone, but it was no use: he had simply evaporated, gone invisible before her very eyes. Head spinning, it was several moments before Kai realized how late it was growing, and scraping her jaw off the floor, she snatched her bag up from the ground and swatted away the dust, glancing over her shoulder in search of the beautiful stranger once more before resuming her journey homeward.